where the hell is all going
okay, so first off, emily is distant. then again, was she ever close? i dont really miss people back home. im ready to start going out here. okay, so ive been chatting with angelique and she sounds awesome. today i showed her pictures and that pretty much does it, as far as it ever getting to a sexual relationship. im not good on camera. i dont have the best of bods. oh well, nothing ventured...uh, a pennie saved...ah fuck it.

hungry
im all out of money so that means no food. it's a really great diet program. everyone should try it. i dont have a scale, so i cant even tell how much weight ive already lost. my weight verys so much even when i am eating. it's always done that. as a kid, i weighed nothing, then i developeed a gut that would come and go. hopefully it will go away for good. eating is stupid right now anyway. i told my sister that i dont really eat right when im alone. ive always been that way. it really isnt something that seems all that fun to do right now, EVEN if my tummy aches right now.

i talked to emily last night about the trip. she sounded really positive. i am excited. i am so excited. i really do love and care for her. i wonder if the relationship will grow any further than it currently is. who knows. remaining faithful to her is important to me.

so the whole rose thing has me really sorta pissed, but i dont have many other options for dates these days. i could do with some meaningless make out sessions.

im so glad i created this for myself. it's away from everyone's eyes but still public for randomeness.

i miss my sister.

status
i am still glowing with the thought she said yes to my offer. i can see us now, on the beach in our bathing suits, sipping cocktails. i cannot believe this is actually going to happen. i love her so. i truely do. she makes me nervous in a good way. my only hope is that she feels half of what i do. i miss her skin so badly.